Decision Time.

Where has the time gone.. While this is still and will remain an IF blog, I do have a baby update below.

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Baby C arrived on Wednesday, April 17th, healthy, happy and screaming (and peeing on our OB).  We feel so ultimately blessed to have this little miracle in our lives.

Every day we thank our lucky stars for this little man.  What more could we ask for?

So it's decision time folks.  I feel torn about continuing this blog.  For now, I'll check in every now and then.  If you would like to contact me or ask anything (really anything) please leave a comment and I'll get back to you.

Until next time, enjoy and be happy <3

xoxo

Knock Knock..anyone out there?

So I've been neglecting the Blog big time.  It's been way too long...

Update (**Baby update.. feel free to skip over**)

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I am currently 35 weeks pregnant (!!!), seriously where has the time gone.   Baby now has a 99% survival rate if born at this stage.  Of course, there are still many other risks that I worry about.... but positive thinking, right?  If you would have told me last year, amongst the fertility treatments, that it WILL happen, I would never have believed it.  Last year at this time, we were on IUI #3.  I of course still remember the heartbreak of every drive to Madison, every tear shed, every negative test.  It's something I'll never forget.  But it got us here and I wouldn't wish the experience away. 

Ok, that's it for now.  END of baby update.

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There are a few IF blogs I've read throughout the years; while I don't comment on most of them, they have really helped me a ton.   Not only can I relate & learn from them, it's nice to know you're not alone.  Jenny from Among the Blossoms is one I read here and there.  After 8 years of IF, she conceived naturally (!!??) and just had a baby.  Crazy.  She had a post that I wanted to share.

This post talks about running into strangers who spill their IF stories.  This post really hit home because it happens to me all the time.  It's like we want to share..we want to relay our story because maybe someone else is struggling and we can help.  Or we just want to get it out. Who knows.  Anyway, take a quick read, it's interesting.

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Cheers, spring is almost here (I hope!). 

A letter to my 28 year old self

I've seen a few IF blogger do this and I really liked it so here we go..

Hello 28 year old self,

Back in 2008 when you and the hubby talked about taking that last pill in Feb 2009, you would never have thought this journey would be so challenging.  Doesn't it just take sex to make a baby?  You will go off BC and assume it will happen in the next few months.  Oh how wrong you will be.  But you will get through it.  It is truly a journey and you have the best partner.

You will have good days, many bad days and days where you want to throw in the towel.  But we're not quitters so don't give up.

You will have days where you pretend that everything is fine and you're happy taking trips because it fills the void.  It may for the time being, but when you return to real life you're back to being sad.  Hang in there.

You will become great at pretending.  But know there are so many resources out there, You're not alone. Even though IF feels like such a lonely journey..

You will have angry days. Angry at life, angry at how unfair it is that couples not trying just happened to get pregnant and that's okay.  It's also okay to skip events, unhum, baby showers because, well you just can't bear to see another swelling belly.

You will lose friends but you will gain friends.   Friends that understand and are really there for you. Turn to them, even when you feel like you sound like a broken record.  That's what friends (and family) are for.

I'll say it again, you have the best partner.  You're never given more than you can handle, and you can handle this.

Cheers.

"Especially those without kids"

The other day, a FB friend wrote a post that really irked me (she must have removed it as it's now gone - maybe someone agreed with my thoughts below and made a comment to her).  It was a link to an article about saying things to other peoples kids; her comment was something to the effect of 'Please read this article and take note.  Especially those without kids'.

Of course this irks me.  Am I wrong in being irritated that she singles out those w/o kids?  WTH.  Of course, she has the perfect family and has no idea how this could be taken from an IF.   Don't get me wrong, she's a nice person, I think she just didn't realize how this could be interpreted (which is maybe why it was taken down?).  This is the same person that I was talking to (with another child-hopeful friend) over the summer about still struggling with IF and she said 'you always want what you can't have'.  Ouch.

The FB comment reminded me of the movie As Good As It Gets with Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson (great movie btw).  When he goes to her apartment and says hello to her 8 year old. The child doesn't respond and Jack says you should respond when someone is talking to you.

Clearly it's not your place to discipline someone else's child.  It's not those sans kids, it's those with no manners.

Thank.you.very.much.  Anyone agree/disagree?

Cheers!


PG update (please move on if this Pg update is a sensitive topic)...
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I can't believe I'm saying this, but today actually puts me mid-way through my second trimester (??!!).  How did we get so blessed?  From Dr Google, at this point, baby would have a 75-90% survival rate (with medical intervention obviously).

What a difference a year makes.  Last year at this time, we were on IUI#2 and we were devastated that it was cancelled. We were then off to a fabulous trip to the Caribbean where we drank and ate our troubles away..

xo

IF news

Did you see the Sunday night Dateline on the couple who carried another couples baby to term after an IF clinic placed the wrong embryo in the woman in MI (!!) and it took?  The RE clinic said it was due to 'human error' which of course is very scary but I can see how it can happen.  At our clinic, the nurse AND the RE has you approve the name on the vile of sperm before it's inserted in the cathedar (and cathedar into you). But you're taking a huge leap of faith that the vile has the correct sperm in it.

If you didn't see it, you can view it HERE.  Pretty interesting and such a blessing that the couple that received the wrong embryo carried the baby to term.

Cheers!

Being pregnant while having IF friends

****If Infertility is a sensitive subject or you are dealing with sensitive IF issues, please feel free to skip this post as this discusses IF & pregnancy. Thank you for reading and Happy NY - this is a start to a new year *****

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Being IF for just under 4 years means I obviously still have IF friends.  Bloggers, Facebook, Real life, etc.  I'm sure it's super tough for them to see me, talk to me, etc and it's totally understandable.  I've been there.  I've been the one skipping showers, dismissing emails/texts/calls, hiding them on Facebook because I couldn't bear to hear about pregnancy, baby bellies, etc.  It's just heartbreaking.  My heart truly breaks for everyone suffering from IF.  It really is an unspoken disease and I hope by blogging, I have helped even one person <3

The reason for this post is being in this situation, I have no idea what to do.  How would I have wanted my 'IF graduated' friends to act?  Do?  And thinking back, nothing.  Stop emailing me, stop texting/calling and just go about your life until that baby belly is gone and you have a healthy baby.  Somehow, for me, the sting was less when the baby arrived.

The problem with that, is that is just not me.  I'm not one to ignore my IF friends just because I'm pregnant.  I understand they have no desire to hear about my pregnancy and I respect that.
Some people say when you're formerly overweight, you're still the 'fat person' inside (meaning no disrespect), well I'm still the IF girl inside.

I know I just have to realize that life changes and there will be some people that just can't bear to see me/us.  And I totally get it.  I just have a hard time with letting go I guess..These people have gotten me through rough times and I am not one to forget about them.

For now, I must respect their (silent) wishes and let them be, hoping that someday we will reconnect and praying that they will too will experience this gift.  Have faith.

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xo
Cheers

Merry Christmas - My guide to IF

Merry (belated) Christmas! I'm a tad behind in posting.

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The Holidays.

There are a couple ways I coped with being infertile over the holidays. I realize I am not an expert but these are things that helped me the past 4 years (long time to some, not even close to a long time to others).

Drink Lots Sparingly.  No joke.  But there definitely is a point where I'd pass the "happy" relaxed - nothing bothers me - me and become emotional, sad and cry on the car ride home.

Workout.  If you know me, it's no secret I love to run. Love love love it.  It helped clear my mind.  The feeling of the ground beneath my feet, the early morning runs when everyone else is asleep.  Pure bliss.

Yoga. Yes, another form of a workout, but I think of it also as a mind clearer as there's a 'zen' about Yoga.  If you find the right instructor, it leaves you feeling soo great.  Even when I went into class having a terrible "poor me" day, I'd come out feeling refreshed..well all but one time. You know the time where I wanted to run out screaming.

I felt like this a lot of the time, despite the happy front I thought I put on

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Research. Blogs/articles helped me. There's a huge infertile community out there and knowing you're not alone is the best.  To quote one article on surviving IF over the holidays:

1.  Say no to parties. Really. Do.It.
2.  Prepare an answer to the dreaded "still no luck" questions.
3.  Call on your support system. ---> Friends! Family! I have a few people I could complain to and it felt so great to just talk frankly.
4.  Look for the positives ---> I don't like this one.  It makes me think everything is unicorns and rainbows when we know it's a front.  Yes, you can be sad.
5.  Give Yourself A Break ---> My favorite.  Take a break, let yourself feel sad.  Then get over it and move on.

Speaking of blogs.  Head on over to this blog and take a read of

Just a few of my favorites:

"You’re so lucky.  You don’t know how hard it is to [fill in inappropriate comment like “change diapers,” “never sleep,” “buy clothes all the time,” here].  (You’re right.  I don’t know.  Thanks for that loving reminder.)"

"Maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids… (Hello?  Was there a secret early morning “Qualifying Mom Exam” that I did not know about?  I hate it when I oversleep!)"

"So-and-so tried for 10 years to get pregnant.  Finally, when she gave up, it happened.  (That’s great for so-and-so.  What does her body have to do with mine, anyway?  Oh.  She has the secret sauce ingredient to “getting” pregnant, does she?  Hmm…she does have a lot of cute new purses.  I haven’t tried buying purses yet….maybe I should try that?  Any excuse to shop!)"

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Cheers! Be happy and enjoy, 2013 is right around the corner. 

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