Merry Christmas - My guide to IF

Merry (belated) Christmas! I'm a tad behind in posting.

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The Holidays.

There are a couple ways I coped with being infertile over the holidays. I realize I am not an expert but these are things that helped me the past 4 years (long time to some, not even close to a long time to others).

Drink Lots Sparingly.  No joke.  But there definitely is a point where I'd pass the "happy" relaxed - nothing bothers me - me and become emotional, sad and cry on the car ride home.

Workout.  If you know me, it's no secret I love to run. Love love love it.  It helped clear my mind.  The feeling of the ground beneath my feet, the early morning runs when everyone else is asleep.  Pure bliss.

Yoga. Yes, another form of a workout, but I think of it also as a mind clearer as there's a 'zen' about Yoga.  If you find the right instructor, it leaves you feeling soo great.  Even when I went into class having a terrible "poor me" day, I'd come out feeling refreshed..well all but one time. You know the time where I wanted to run out screaming.

I felt like this a lot of the time, despite the happy front I thought I put on

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Research. Blogs/articles helped me. There's a huge infertile community out there and knowing you're not alone is the best.  To quote one article on surviving IF over the holidays:

1.  Say no to parties. Really. Do.It.
2.  Prepare an answer to the dreaded "still no luck" questions.
3.  Call on your support system. ---> Friends! Family! I have a few people I could complain to and it felt so great to just talk frankly.
4.  Look for the positives ---> I don't like this one.  It makes me think everything is unicorns and rainbows when we know it's a front.  Yes, you can be sad.
5.  Give Yourself A Break ---> My favorite.  Take a break, let yourself feel sad.  Then get over it and move on.

Speaking of blogs.  Head on over to this blog and take a read of

Just a few of my favorites:

"You’re so lucky.  You don’t know how hard it is to [fill in inappropriate comment like “change diapers,” “never sleep,” “buy clothes all the time,” here].  (You’re right.  I don’t know.  Thanks for that loving reminder.)"

"Maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids… (Hello?  Was there a secret early morning “Qualifying Mom Exam” that I did not know about?  I hate it when I oversleep!)"

"So-and-so tried for 10 years to get pregnant.  Finally, when she gave up, it happened.  (That’s great for so-and-so.  What does her body have to do with mine, anyway?  Oh.  She has the secret sauce ingredient to “getting” pregnant, does she?  Hmm…she does have a lot of cute new purses.  I haven’t tried buying purses yet….maybe I should try that?  Any excuse to shop!)"

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Cheers! Be happy and enjoy, 2013 is right around the corner. 

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HoLiDaYs

So I still haven't started a new blog. Basically I'm just lazy I don't have time.. Ok I could make time, it's just not a priority at this point.  So onward we go...

The Holidays.  Most IF's nightmare. It's the questions, the assumptions, the looks (or the looks you think you are getting) from family, friends and acquaintances you see once a year who ask about life, kids.   I saw a blog post somewhere talking about the boring ole' questions you ask when you see old friends:  How's married life (assuming they just got married), How's the job,  How are the kids?  BLAH.  What about something interesting like, Take any fun trips this year?  What are you looking forward to?   Seems corny I know, but the old questions get monotonous when asked 80 times in the span of a holiday week.

This is the first year we are blessed to be celebrating the work of the last four years.  Celebrating life.  I thank my lucky stars and I hope it doesn't end on 12-21-12  and I wouldn't change a thing we have been through..well maybe if I could get back all the moolah we spent.

How is it going you ask...

Can't complain one bit.  I won't say that I haven't worried and googled a ton, but moving along slowly, we have our 20 week anatomical scan in December (can't believe it's almost 20 weeks!).

This is getting real people.  This may be it for us.

But I haven't forgotten about all my IF friends out there who are dreading the holidays.  I soooo have been there and all I can say is drink.lots.

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Kidding.  Maybe.  Go on a fun weekend (or day) trip.  Do something different.  We had planned to go to Arizona for the holidays.  Hiking in Dec? Who knew.

That's it for now.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends and famila!  I have soo much to be thankful for <3

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Cheers!

A Reunion of Sorts

One of the worst times in an IF's life is visiting old 'friends' and getting the kid questions and IF I decide to open up, the "it will happen" and "Everything happens for a reason"

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Are they really friends if they know nothing about what we've been through in the past 3.5+ years?

This year marks <gulp> 15 years since I graduated highschool.  How did I get here?? 15 years is a lonnnng time. Normally I'm not one to attend reunions, they are just not my thing.  I talk to everyone through various medias and don't care to play the measuring game. However this year, I somehow got sucked into planning it..mostly because it's at my family's place of business.  I can't really get out of it.

While I know the hubby and I have a pretty sweet life, good jobs, happy marriage, we try to travel like it's going out of style, you know the one thing everyone has that we don't: a cute little one in tow. And these are the events I dread.

What will the reunion bring... time will tell.  Until then, I'll be spending the holiday week with family and not with all my 'friends' and their babies...since we are the lone rangers, the ones left childless.

Cheers.

Happy Fourth of July!

Be Safe.

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Cheers!

Memorial Day obstacles

Happy - late - Memorial Day.  Help me in celebrating the lives of those lost and praising the ones that fight every day for this fine country. 

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FD (the hubby) and I decided to go for a bike ride on Memorial Day morning.  

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Somehow it was not what we had expected...

Left the house around 9 and ran into the Memorial Day parade (guess we've never been in town for the parade as we had no idea it was going on..and how large of an event it was).  We could not get through the crowds (and decided against riding with the parade) so we decided to wait... 1 1/2 long hours.. until the parade was finished.  While we were waiting (feeling underdressed in our bike shorts - which if you know what they look like are not made to be worn off the bike) I looked around at the crowd.  Kids. Lots of kids. It is a parade I suppose.  And I had a 'sad for me' moment. Beneath my sunglasses there were a few tears. I always pictured us with a little one in tow in their cute little Memorial Day - red, white and blue - outfit.  I always think, maybe at this time next year... and for the past 3 years I've been sadly disappointed.  I said to FD, I thought I'd be pg by now. He simply said I know honey. And we left it at that. 

We continued on our trek and found an older older dog wandering down the trail (in the 90 degree heat btw).  We're animal people, we just couldn't leave him. We stopped, tried to find the owner, to no avail, gave him some water, and called animal control.  As we were about 50 ft from a busy street, it was unsafe for him to be wandering.  The police were speedy and the officer thought he knew where this dog 'lived' and put him in the back of his car and drove off. I'm hopeful that he found the owner, but sad that no one was looking for him!

We continued on.. Despite the obstacles, we had a nice ride.  The weather was gorgeous. 

As we're on our way back we see a pg teenager-ish girl and guy walking towards us..SMOKING. Really?? This just infuriates me to no end.  She has been given a gift and she poisons it with smoke. Augh. I *may have* said loudly as we passed "is she pregnant and smoking?!" and I hoped they were not the violent type to come after me with a weapon.  I'm still here, so it's all good. 

Cheers!  

The dreaded Mothers Day

The month of May brings along a lot of exciting things. Spring..Summer is near..May flowers.. and (gulp) Mothers Day.

Happy Mothers Day to those Mothers out there. Happy Mothers Day to my own Madre who is always just a phone call away <3

To IF's it's the dreaded holiday.  The yearly reminder that another year passes and we are still not mothers.  For me personally, I am no closer than I was 3.5+ years ago.  In fact I feel like we've taken 10 steps back (ya know, the birth control and all).  I yearn for the day I can be celebrated as a mother.  But, sadly, it may not happen.  I may just be mother to a fur-child (or two maybe).

We work for things in life.  Work for a living, work for our bodies (whatever size/shape that may be), work for our relationships (friends, family, spouses), everybody's working for the weekend, why can't we work toward a baby (knowing there is an end in sight).  I feel like I/we work and work and work at it to no avail.  I am just now paying off IUI #4 (which was cancelled) and it's 2 months later. That sucks.

How can it be that even Snookie, my fav Jersey Shore cast member will become a mother.  It's a strange thing really.  I see it daily, people that shouldn't be mothers, but somehow God has given them this gift.

I don't know the reasons why and I really try not to question it, but man, sometimes it's hard. Life is hard.  We can't choose what happens to us however we can choose our attitude.  I choose to be happy. No matter what.  I choose to make the most of what I've been given. I'm so lucky in so many ways.  I choose happiness.

Cheers!