"Especially those without kids"

The other day, a FB friend wrote a post that really irked me (she must have removed it as it's now gone - maybe someone agreed with my thoughts below and made a comment to her).  It was a link to an article about saying things to other peoples kids; her comment was something to the effect of 'Please read this article and take note.  Especially those without kids'.

Of course this irks me.  Am I wrong in being irritated that she singles out those w/o kids?  WTH.  Of course, she has the perfect family and has no idea how this could be taken from an IF.   Don't get me wrong, she's a nice person, I think she just didn't realize how this could be interpreted (which is maybe why it was taken down?).  This is the same person that I was talking to (with another child-hopeful friend) over the summer about still struggling with IF and she said 'you always want what you can't have'.  Ouch.

The FB comment reminded me of the movie As Good As It Gets with Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson (great movie btw).  When he goes to her apartment and says hello to her 8 year old. The child doesn't respond and Jack says you should respond when someone is talking to you.

Clearly it's not your place to discipline someone else's child.  It's not those sans kids, it's those with no manners.

Thank.you.very.much.  Anyone agree/disagree?

Cheers!


PG update (please move on if this Pg update is a sensitive topic)...
***

I can't believe I'm saying this, but today actually puts me mid-way through my second trimester (??!!).  How did we get so blessed?  From Dr Google, at this point, baby would have a 75-90% survival rate (with medical intervention obviously).

What a difference a year makes.  Last year at this time, we were on IUI#2 and we were devastated that it was cancelled. We were then off to a fabulous trip to the Caribbean where we drank and ate our troubles away..

xo

Like water off a ducks back

I shouldn't let it get to me but these conversations always bother me.  Can any other IFs relate??

The hubby was talking to a seriously religious friend (not that there's anything wrong with religion, I am a full believer) about TTC.  He and his wife have a 2 1/2 year old and apparently had been TTC "for a long time" for #2 (she's 15 weeks pg now).  The hubby assumed they tried for #2 right after #1.  Nope their "for a long time" was 5 stinkin' months.  Really??? Really?? Your telling us that 5 months is "a long time"? WTH.  

Background: when I say they are seriously religious I mean it.  He has 4 brothers and 20 nieces/nephews..so far (aka they don't believe in birth control).   When we first mentioned we were having problems (um 3 years ago) he asked if we had tried the natural family planning method (meaning timed sex). Really? Nope, I thought I might be the Virgin Mary reincarnated (I mean no offense here, just a joke).

I know he wasn't trying to be mean or cruel, it just didn't occur to him who he was talking to when he made this statement.  It didn't occur to him that while his wife was pg (finally, ha) we had been trying for 44 months.  Yep, multiply that "long time" of 5 months by 9.  ARG.  It's so frustrating sometimes.

I know, let it roll off, what's the big deal?  It's a big deal to me.  People just don't understand that it's hurtful sometimes.

Yep, it's "one of those days".

Cheers. 

Friends with kids part 2..3.. idk

Last weekend I had a 1 yr birthday party for my Godson. He's a little cutie, definitely a healthy boy.  I've mentioned before that all of my high school friends have babies (and a few had them at the party) but funny enough (even after the stories I have for you :P) I didn't have one once of sadness for me.  The day was not about me. More like I hope it happens, but if not, well, I'm meant for other things.

Funny tidbit #1 -
I'm hanging by the grill w/my friend talking about life, etc. as we have a cocktail.  She's probably my closest highschool friend. The one who called and told me she was pg first, even tho she knew I would have a hard time with it.  She's up front, honest and over my IF years, this has made us closer.  So she's talking about the bday boy and how amazing he is (and I agreed).  Then she said, I felt bad for you all these years, but now having him, knowing how much I love him, I feel even worse for you. OUCH.  I smiled and said, well if it's meant to be then so be it.

Funny tidbit #2 -
Another longtime friend (we've been friends since we were 5) gave me a ride home.  She has a 10 week old little boy.  So we're on our way out and she asks when I'm leaving for home (party was in MI). I mentioned I had to work Sun, so leaving early Sun AM.  She responds, I used to be a workaholic too, but now I have other priorities. OUCH.  I said something like ya, well, all I have is work (jokingly of course).

Funny enough, these comments just made me laugh at how silly people are.  I think my situation just makes people uncomfortable.  Like they don't know what to say.  And I get it, it's like when someone has cancer, what do you say, you're strong, you'll beat this.. blah.  I think I have learned all you can say is sorry to hear that and I'm here for you.  

The 2nd friend I think was just trying to justify herself going back to work part time (she truly was a workaholic and worked 80 hr weeks). No need to justify to me, to each their own.

At the end of the day, we are in charge of our emotions, and today, I kept them in check. yippee.

source

CHEERS TO THE WEEKEND.  I'm not sure if I've ever looked forward to the weekend as much as this. I.need.a.break. Get out there and have a great one <3

IF friends

It's been a long time since I've talked to any IF friends.  Mostly because they've all left the IF club and have kids.  From all of these 'friends' I have one, yes ONE, that is still sympathetic to IF. ONE who actually remembers what it's like. She is in her late 30s and has two little adorable - quite a handful - little boys.

The others are all 'the baby this' and 'the baby that' and every friggen post on FB is about the baby and how great it is to be a mom..you don't really live until you get that feeling of being a mom. BLAH.  This is when I.hate.facebook.

Last weekend I caught up with a fellow IF friend. It was soo nice to be able to chat and actually air our dirty laundry about all this over many many drinks.  Blogging is therapy, but talking to a fellow IF is priceless.

As much as the hubby and I have open communication about this, talking to a fellow IF is different.  I love my hubby to pieces but it's hard for him to understand sometimes, despite his best efforts.  And it's easier to hide feelings because it makes him sad that I'm sad.

This couple has gone thru soooo much heartache and I pray their next step works out for them <3  This is probably the first time I literally want it to happen for them rather than us.  Thinking about all we've gone thru feels like a drop in the bucket to their journey.

Sending prayers out in the universe for them and for us. Because, yes, I'm saying it, WE DESERVE GOODNESS.  And I refuse to settle for less.

Cheers to my last weekend in my "early thirties" <gulp>!

...and sadly when I think of my birthday, I think tick-tock my time is running out.

Haters

I feel I've become a hater.  I'll get back to this.

The Reunion was ok.  Not as bad as I expected, actually everything went off without a hitch.  We had an ok turnout, there were the same girls that always show to these things. The ones that look at you and judge.  I stayed far away from them. However, as one of them is my beloved relative, I know they now know my situation.  And I hate her for that.

Hate is a strong word.  I hate that I'm a hater.

I hate when I see someone on FB pregnant.  Especially when they have 'had problems' (aka have probably been TTC for a year) and they've left the IF group.

 I hate that I have to hide from friends with new babies because I don't want to hang with them and ohh and ahh for them.  But I love holding babies.

I hate that I hate pregnant bellies.  At the reunion there were 4 pregnant girls (yes I counted in between Vodka/Waters). I (internally) hated them too.  But I played the part and said my 'congrats' and 'you look great.'

I wish I wasn't feeling this way and I wish I had a way to get past this.

I don't want to be a hater forever.

Any tips IFs?

Cheers.

A Reunion of Sorts

One of the worst times in an IF's life is visiting old 'friends' and getting the kid questions and IF I decide to open up, the "it will happen" and "Everything happens for a reason"

source

Are they really friends if they know nothing about what we've been through in the past 3.5+ years?

This year marks <gulp> 15 years since I graduated highschool.  How did I get here?? 15 years is a lonnnng time. Normally I'm not one to attend reunions, they are just not my thing.  I talk to everyone through various medias and don't care to play the measuring game. However this year, I somehow got sucked into planning it..mostly because it's at my family's place of business.  I can't really get out of it.

While I know the hubby and I have a pretty sweet life, good jobs, happy marriage, we try to travel like it's going out of style, you know the one thing everyone has that we don't: a cute little one in tow. And these are the events I dread.

What will the reunion bring... time will tell.  Until then, I'll be spending the holiday week with family and not with all my 'friends' and their babies...since we are the lone rangers, the ones left childless.

Cheers.

Half empty

I had another post in mind for today, but this has been gnawing at me so decided to post it..

We were out with friends one night last week.  These are friends from my previous job so they know all about everything we've been through and are going through. They have 2 cute little girls and have had no infertility problems.

Night was good, had many a few drinks and before we knew it, it was midnight.  Closing out the night, of course the topic of babies came up.  My friend said something to the effect of 'when' we have babies we'll see how it is (I can't even remember what we were talking about - something about the 'terrible twos' I think).  I said, well we're nearing the end (of our journey) so it's not a 'when' it's an 'if'. To which he quickly responded 'oh I know it will happen'.

There was no ill will, no sadness (at that point), just a statement of a matter of fact.

It may not happen.

On our ride home, I said to the hubby, you know, that was the first time I said it and I felt like I meant it.  This may not happen. The past years, my 'glass half full' personality always thought it would eventually happen (like Ross & Rachel from friends).  He responded 'oh I've thought that for awhile now'. Shocked - - I said what do you mean for awhile.  He said for probably the past year or so.  ....what??  For the past year, he's thought this isn't going to happen. That made me sooo eternally sad.  Sad for him, sad for me, sad for us.  Honestly, it broke my heart.

I feel like this is my fault.  My body is letting us down.  I know, it's not the end of the world...we don't have a terminal illness, we'll get over this, so I am thankful for that.  But at this moment, I'm sad.

source

Cheers.

Don't forget where you came from

Since we're all friends here, I can be blunt and totally honest (when am I not?).

I have a few IF friends (friends from Highschool, acquaintances over the years) and 99.9% of them have passed us by and have kids by now.  I've said before, I'm happy for them, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, what I can't deal with (and it drives my crazzzzy) is when they forget where they came from. 

We see this in all walks of life, people forget. It's easy to forget, I know this.

The worst: Facebook.  Sure I don't have to look at my home feed, I could ignore it, but then I miss my family's "news" and the cute pics of my niece!

The ultimate worst: an IF friend (who I'm pretty sure doesn't read this, so I can talk about her :D ) who was IF for 1.5 years and now posts baby (now toddler) pics and status updates at least weekly (mostly 2x a week) on FB.  Everything about the baby.  And I get it, she's happy, loving her life (however her emails are all about the complaints of motherhood...complaints I'd gladly take on) but does she have to forget where she came from? Forget her "friends" that are still IF?

Blogging is Therapy.

Have a brilliant weekend!

PS Yesterday was our 6th wedding anniversary.  6 years ago we were with family and close friends on Oppenheimer beach of St John, VI pledging our love

and I wouldn't change a thing <3

The Lone Rangers

The last of my "old" aka highschool friends had her baby. While I'm soo glad she was able to carry safely and to term, I'm so eternally sad on the inside. We were one of the first in our "group" to get married.  Not that that means anything what so ever.

While I thank my lucky stars (and God) every day for the wonderful man I married, I'm so sad that I can't give him a child.

Blah blah blah, it's no ones fault, etc, yes I know this, but I still feel responsible as it's my body.

I dread the next get together where everyone will have their little ones and we will be the slightly tipsy Lone Rangers with many cocktails.  I probably won't go as it just makes me too sad.  One on one isn't bad, so I will make an effort to see everyone and meet their children, but the group thing would just about kill me.  Not enough wine/vodka in the world to get me through it.

Therapy. Blog Therapy.

Cheers!