Onward we shall go

Hello,

I really don't have much IF-wise to report.  I feel like this is the longest 2WW ever.  Still pregnant (to my surprise) and still waiting/hoping/praying that all is cooking well in there.  I really feel no strong symptoms yet (other than tender b00bs) so I'm waiting either to wake up and have it all be over, or that at our next Dr appt they will say, nope no pregnancy.  Or worse yet, no heartbeat.

I watched an episode of 19 kids and counting last night. If you've never caught it, it's a reality show about a very large, faith driven, family in Arkansas.   Of course I caught the one where Michelle is pg with her 20th child and they go in for a routine ultrasound (at 20 weeks) and there is no heartbeat. I cried.  I prepared myself for this possibly happening to us.

I was talking to a friend recently.  She made a comment that really stuck.  This is the part where faith and hope come in.  Your faith (whatever it may be) will keep you strong.  She's right, so why am I worried and why can't I focus on the 'now' and be happy with where I'm at?

I do feel very blessed that we have gotten this far.   Each and every day is a waiting game.  Waiting and hoping all goes well and I'm not thrown back on the IF train.

As our friends say, please storm the heavens with prayers for our appointment next week!

Cheers!

Amazing TTC stories

Did you see the story on the Today show of the Illinois grandmother (50) who carried her own grandchild to term? News is she is having a C-section today.  Craziness, how is this even possible.  The daughter had cervical cancer and couldn't carry a child. Dr's were able to save her ovaries, thus her eggs and with IVF, implanted an embryo into her mother.

It's amazing what doctors can do these days.  Heck, Celine Dion carried twins to term at age 42. Now that was after quite a few IVF attempts but still.

You hear stories these amazing stories all the time.. my aunt actually had a natural and healthy pregnancy at 42 (I think...Mom is that right?)

Happiness for Giuliana and Bill who delivered a child via gestational surrogate!  How exciting for them. If you haven't been following their story, Giuliana is an E! news correspondent and via their reality show we watched them struggle with IF, miscarriages and breast cancer.

Shows that we are ageless! If you have the money that is :D

Cheers.

A Few Wordless Thoughts for the Week

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St Lucia 2012. So fun. So Gorgeous.

Lake Retba, Senegal. Literally pink from a certain type of algae in the water.
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Big Sur Coast in Cali. We're headed here in a few weeks..
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Cheers!

Like water off a ducks back

I shouldn't let it get to me but these conversations always bother me.  Can any other IFs relate??

The hubby was talking to a seriously religious friend (not that there's anything wrong with religion, I am a full believer) about TTC.  He and his wife have a 2 1/2 year old and apparently had been TTC "for a long time" for #2 (she's 15 weeks pg now).  The hubby assumed they tried for #2 right after #1.  Nope their "for a long time" was 5 stinkin' months.  Really??? Really?? Your telling us that 5 months is "a long time"? WTH.  

Background: when I say they are seriously religious I mean it.  He has 4 brothers and 20 nieces/nephews..so far (aka they don't believe in birth control).   When we first mentioned we were having problems (um 3 years ago) he asked if we had tried the natural family planning method (meaning timed sex). Really? Nope, I thought I might be the Virgin Mary reincarnated (I mean no offense here, just a joke).

I know he wasn't trying to be mean or cruel, it just didn't occur to him who he was talking to when he made this statement.  It didn't occur to him that while his wife was pg (finally, ha) we had been trying for 44 months.  Yep, multiply that "long time" of 5 months by 9.  ARG.  It's so frustrating sometimes.

I know, let it roll off, what's the big deal?  It's a big deal to me.  People just don't understand that it's hurtful sometimes.

Yep, it's "one of those days".

Cheers. 

Doubts

After almost 4 years of infertility I still feel like a poser when I say "I'm Pregnant" (well the few times I've said it out loud).   I usually deflect by saying well it's still early so I just hope it sticks or well I hope to make it to the magical 12 week mark.  The hubby hates when I do this.

I just still can't believe it.  I feel like we've been trying for so long that I just feel like this gift is going to be taken away from me.  I can't imagine people who have suffered from IF for longer or who have suffered greater losses, I truly am sorry as it must be heartbreaking. 

I was thinking of things that would have been different had we conceived right away.  I probably would have told everyone right away.  I probably wouldn't feel dread every morning *hoping* this isn't the day I have a miscarriage. I probably wouldn't analyze every single stinkin' cramp, twinge, etc and run to the bathroom praying for no blood (sorry TMI).  I most likely wouldn't have asked a co-worker (in front of a group) if his 3 month old twins were natural or assisted (my filter took a vacation at that moment..I later apologized to him and thankfully he was cool about it).   I don't think I would be this nervous.  I don't think I would have to make myself relaxxx this much.  I would enjoy these early on weeks.

It's a tough road, a road I honestly thought I would never be on. But for today, I am greatly thankful for what I have been given.  Today is a gift.

Cheers to the weekend!

Wordless Wednesday

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So true. 

Traveling with a secret

This week I'm traveling for work.  I'm very fortunate to work from home, however from time to time I get to go out into the real world by traveling to my company's home base.  This week I get to get out, dress up like a normal person and see my co-workers.  While this usually is fun and something I enjoy, this time with my secret, I dreaded it.

The plane ride:  Wasn't sure how this was going to go.  Security!? Nausea?! Turned out just fine.  Our small hub of an airport offered a pat down vs. the normal x-ray screening (which apparently is not an x-ray anymore, but to be safe, I opted out).  Even tho I'm still quite newly pg I wasn't sure if the plane ride was going to bring on some bouts of nausea.  Luckily, nope.  Only con was having to pee on every plane. Normally I hold out but this time I just couldn't!  Lastly, lifting my heavy as all heck suitcase.  Normally I'm a champ and can lift it with no problem.  This time I didn't want to chance it, so I was that girl. Yep, I asked two nice gentlemen to help.  On the way home, I'm definitely checking my rollaway as I'm a nervous nelly it's just too hard with my laptop backpack which is big and bulky.

Co-Workers: No one knows obviously as I'm still to early to tell and there's no need right now to put my boss in a panic, dreading the thought of having to fill in for me for 12 weeks.  Normally having to hide it isn't hard as I don't have a night life here, but this time (of course) a co-worker organized a happy hour for me.  Tonight. At my favorite sushi place here.  Fainting sickness won't work, so I'm pulling the "I'm on antibiotics" old trick and can't drink. As for sushi, I will try to get out of eating, or eat some appetizers.  I'm also hoping noone notices I take bathroom breaks just about every 1/2 hour.

Meds:  This is tricky.  With the progesterone, I have to take it every 12 hours and lie down for 15-30 minutes after taking it as it's supposed to help it absorb.  Definitely puts a wrench in working long nights and getting up to workout in the morning.  This morning (TMI - it's ingested down there) the pill was dislodged and I had to take another one and ended up being almost late for work because I had to lie down longer.  But, I made it work.

Meals: With really trying to eat healthy and well rounded meals this is tough as I eat out 100% of the time.  I am missing my green juices and trying to eat more salads, even tho they are definitely missing some key vegetables I normally eat.  Timing is also tough.  I have snacks, but forcing myself to take a break and leave work early to eat is tough.  Case in point: I left work last night at 6 and didn't end up eating until 8. I wanted to gnaw off my hand I was so hungry.   Today I'm going to head to Trader Joe's in hopes of hitting up their hot bar and getting some good, organic greens in.

At the end of the day, it's more challenging but being healthy and as safe as possible is my number one priority and work comes second right now.  I guess my priorities really have changed, lol, if you have read this post. 

Cheers!