Merry Christmas - My guide to IF

Merry (belated) Christmas! I'm a tad behind in posting.

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The Holidays.

There are a couple ways I coped with being infertile over the holidays. I realize I am not an expert but these are things that helped me the past 4 years (long time to some, not even close to a long time to others).

Drink Lots Sparingly.  No joke.  But there definitely is a point where I'd pass the "happy" relaxed - nothing bothers me - me and become emotional, sad and cry on the car ride home.

Workout.  If you know me, it's no secret I love to run. Love love love it.  It helped clear my mind.  The feeling of the ground beneath my feet, the early morning runs when everyone else is asleep.  Pure bliss.

Yoga. Yes, another form of a workout, but I think of it also as a mind clearer as there's a 'zen' about Yoga.  If you find the right instructor, it leaves you feeling soo great.  Even when I went into class having a terrible "poor me" day, I'd come out feeling refreshed..well all but one time. You know the time where I wanted to run out screaming.

I felt like this a lot of the time, despite the happy front I thought I put on

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Research. Blogs/articles helped me. There's a huge infertile community out there and knowing you're not alone is the best.  To quote one article on surviving IF over the holidays:

1.  Say no to parties. Really. Do.It.
2.  Prepare an answer to the dreaded "still no luck" questions.
3.  Call on your support system. ---> Friends! Family! I have a few people I could complain to and it felt so great to just talk frankly.
4.  Look for the positives ---> I don't like this one.  It makes me think everything is unicorns and rainbows when we know it's a front.  Yes, you can be sad.
5.  Give Yourself A Break ---> My favorite.  Take a break, let yourself feel sad.  Then get over it and move on.

Speaking of blogs.  Head on over to this blog and take a read of

Just a few of my favorites:

"You’re so lucky.  You don’t know how hard it is to [fill in inappropriate comment like “change diapers,” “never sleep,” “buy clothes all the time,” here].  (You’re right.  I don’t know.  Thanks for that loving reminder.)"

"Maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids… (Hello?  Was there a secret early morning “Qualifying Mom Exam” that I did not know about?  I hate it when I oversleep!)"

"So-and-so tried for 10 years to get pregnant.  Finally, when she gave up, it happened.  (That’s great for so-and-so.  What does her body have to do with mine, anyway?  Oh.  She has the secret sauce ingredient to “getting” pregnant, does she?  Hmm…she does have a lot of cute new purses.  I haven’t tried buying purses yet….maybe I should try that?  Any excuse to shop!)"

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Cheers! Be happy and enjoy, 2013 is right around the corner. 

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Facelift and Fear

I did a quick update to the background of the blog. The pink was getting to me :-)

Lets talk Fear.

Infertility Fear.  It's never going to happen.  Despite every test, every shot/pill, every RE appointment, it's not going to happen.  Then what?

Pregnancy Fear.  For some..most...probably just some, fear is a part of us every.stinkin'.day.  It.never.goes.away.  My sister said some time ago (oh wise one) that you first fear seeing the initial HB, then it's the 12 week mark, then the 20 week anatomical scan, then the "viable" point in a pregnancy (is it 28 weeks? but that does not ensure quality of life), then birth.  The fear really never goes away.  Back then, I disagreed with her, I believe I said something to the tone of, I just want to hit 12 weeks, now, I 100% agree.  To me, it becomes more so because now you're considered " in the safe zone" and maybe even betting on this actually happening..then if something, God forbid, happens, it's even worse.  I honestly don't know what I would do.  Survive I guess.

People seem to like to share their horrid pregnancy stories of a friends' friend who had issues.  Stillbirths, Scary.  Birth Defects. Scary.  Soo many things can go wrong and for some reason everyone has to tell their horror stories.  Why would you do this I ask myself.  It's depressing to one who already worries about everything from eating Feta to driving (accident!).

So what to do? Take it a day at a time.

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Cheers.

Wordless Wednesday

It's been awhile since I posted a Wordless..

Cutest

Vienna, Austria Christmas market. Must go back.

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Love.

and finally, Thankful.

Cheers!

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Confession

Confession time.

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Every time I hear someone close to us is pg, I feel like our chances of having a healthy, happy baby go down.  So internally I am sad... jealous..no sad.  But never portray this to these people (duh).

It's terrible, I know, my husband agreed it was (again duh).  I'm ashamed to even say it out loud.  But it's the truth and typing it is not really saying it out loud....

It's not that I'm not happy for these people, because every little one is truly a blessing, and I'm still amazed every day I feel little kicks (or punches or any movements!).  I'm more sad, because..well, you just never know.

I don't know why I feel this way, why do we feel what we feel?  It's just one of those things.

All in all, I need to keep hoping, praying that the little one is growing strong and just keep on keepin' on.

Cheers!

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