Hello and Welcome!

Hello and Welcome! We are just another couple struggling with infertility but having fun and trying to enjoy the journey.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


So I still haven't started a new blog. Basically I'm just lazy I don't have time.. Ok I could make time, it's just not a priority at this point.  So onward we go...

The Holidays.  Most IF's nightmare. It's the questions, the assumptions, the looks (or the looks you think you are getting) from family, friends and acquaintances you see once a year who ask about life, kids.   I saw a blog post somewhere talking about the boring ole' questions you ask when you see old friends:  How's married life (assuming they just got married), How's the job,  How are the kids?  BLAH.  What about something interesting like, Take any fun trips this year?  What are you looking forward to?   Seems corny I know, but the old questions get monotonous when asked 80 times in the span of a holiday week.

This is the first year we are blessed to be celebrating the work of the last four years.  Celebrating life.  I thank my lucky stars and I hope it doesn't end on 12-21-12  and I wouldn't change a thing we have been through..well maybe if I could get back all the moolah we spent.

How is it going you ask...

Can't complain one bit.  I won't say that I haven't worried and googled a ton, but moving along slowly, we have our 20 week anatomical scan in December (can't believe it's almost 20 weeks!).

This is getting real people.  This may be it for us.

But I haven't forgotten about all my IF friends out there who are dreading the holidays.  I soooo have been there and all I can say is drink.lots.


Kidding.  Maybe.  Go on a fun weekend (or day) trip.  Do something different.  We had planned to go to Arizona for the holidays.  Hiking in Dec? Who knew.

That's it for now.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends and famila!  I have soo much to be thankful for <3



Friday, November 9, 2012

"Lots of people have tried longer than you"

This was said to me the other day.  And it irritated me.   

Some random thoughts about this statement:

~ Yes, I know this.  Really, I do.  We are lucky. We are fortunate and blessed to be where we are.  I also know this and I do.not.for.a.moment. take it for granted.

~ We worked our a**es off with late nights working to make up for Dr appts, lots-o-money (!?!), traveling, emotional heartache every time it didn't work and every time "I didn't respond" to get where we are.  But all in all, for me, getting pregnant was a crap shoot. It just happened to work after 6 tries. Even tho I didn't have the 'optimal' number of follies and the hubby's count was lower than it had been in 6 tries (funny side note: On the day of the IUI, after the hubs count came back, I think we both were disappointed and RE saw this.  He said, as we always say, it makes more room for the winners.  And who'd of thunk it, he was right.)

~IF is a part of me and I'll never "get over it".  It doesn't define me, but it is a part of my life and always will be.

I can't help my feelings, believe me, I try.  I will worry every minute of every day of this pregnancy until I'm fortunate enough to hold that little one in my arms.  Really, I will, but for you my friend, I will pretend it's all sunshine and unicorns and life is grand because, yes, lots of people have tried longer than us.

Cheers to the weekend!

Monday, November 5, 2012


Even tho I'm possibly getting used to saying to a few "we're having a baby" it's not real yet.
Even tho my pants no longer button, it's not real yet.

After going to our friends last weekend, doubts settled in.  My sub conscience said "she's bigger than you". Her ultrasound at 9 weeks shows her uterus in the shape of a perfect circle, mine was in the shape of a  half moon, what if I'm not growing properly or worse yet.. <gulp> carrying around a deceased fetus...

Calling Dr. Google.

And it downward spirals from here.  Miscarriages, Miscarriages, Miscarriages, that's all I saw when I researched my "abnormal" heart shaped uterus.
".....one can have a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks and beyond with an 'abnormal' uterus..."  
"... no bleeding, no cramping.."

What if I had a miscarriage in the last 4 weeks and we're now 'telling certain people' and there really is no baby!? Oh my.  I miss our RE and the nurses there.  Not that our new OB team isn't helpful, they just don't calm my fears when I freak out like this.  And why should they, I turn crazy when my mind starts.  They don't get paid enough for that.

I finally called my NP who graciously let me come in to hear the HB.  I brought her a Halloween treat to thank her, hell I would have paid her to let me come in, it was the least I could do.

Whew.  It's still there.

Relaxxx everyone says.  Easier said than done.
Today was a success.



PS - Prayers to all the NYers out there, sending our love <3 I can't imagine what they are going through as I complain about my insignificant problems.