Hello and Welcome!

Hello and Welcome! We are just another couple struggling with infertility but having fun and trying to enjoy the journey.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

What a difference a year makes..

One year ago today, the hubby and I had our first appointment at Generations.  I can't believe where we are now.  Just goes to show you it can happen.  Have faith.  Truly, I didn't know where this journey would bring us, I had high hopes, but that was just it.

So Believe my friends.  Believe.



PS Please read the last post on decisions...

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Hello dear friends,

I've been thinking a lot about this.  Should I continue this IF blog... should I start a new blog... should I stop all together.. and I really am not sure at this point.

When other IF bloggers kept up their IF blog with pg updates I, as an IF reader, felt cheated.  Hurt. Why should they continue IF blogging when they are truly not IF anymore.  I didn't want to read how they felt and looked at 20 weeks.  I didn't want to see bump updates...

Now, even tho I'm not past "the safe zone" I feel like a poser posing as an IF.  So for now, I'm going to hold off on further posts to decide on whether to make this blog private (any readers would email me to be 'invited in') or start a new blog.  I am leaning towards continuing this blog (as Infertility is still a part of me, pregnant or not) and making it private.

So thanks for reading, thanks for being a part of our journey and please check back in a few weeks <3


Friday, September 21, 2012

A forever IF Update

Titles are the toughest part of a post.

10 weeks.  Yep, 10 weeks after the BFP (well technically 8 weeks, but you know what I mean).  How did I get here?  I don't "feel" pg, I feel like a poser.  I so want to leave the IF group, but right now, I'm in limbo.  I still have yet to tell any friends (other than the 2 I had to tell due to circumstances) that I'm pg.  I still feel like it's going to "go away".   Should I mention I took another pg test last week <blushing> ??

There is so much going on in our lives right now that I feel guilty for feeling happy and feeling hope.  Will I get past this...?


I had a dream last night that my water broke (even tho my uterus is the size of softball) and my friends dad the doctor (who in reality is not a doctor) came to the diner I was eating breakfast at to deliver my 'baby'.  Think I'm worrying? Nah.. :D

I also had a dream my sister was pg.  I won't divulge which one... ;-)

I have another OB appt in a few weeks.  We *should* be able to hear the heartbeat (I say should because I have a tilted uterus and heartbeats are harder to find early on).  Will it feel more real then?  Time will tell.



Thursday, September 20, 2012

We're back!

and extremely tired. I think I need a vacation from my vacation ;D  I'll have a full recap soon but just a quick not to say hello <waves hi!> and to stay tuned..

I can't close this post without mentioning..  Todd lost a good ole' friend last week and it just broke our hearts.  So prayers and love to the family and friends <3


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Technical difficulties

For some reason I'm having problems w/the Blog. Hope it's effecting you at all.. Stay tuned and thanks for reading :-)


In other news we're heading here soon (!!!!)

Besides my work trip, this is the first time I've traveled anywhere pg (did I just say that out loud? Shhh).  I don't have any kind of true bump yet but I definitely feel (and look?) like I had one too many bagels..or donuts :P Not that I'm complaining, bring it on! 

I'm thankful I'm feeling fine.  Little bouts of nausea but nothing major.  I'm tired, but hey, when was I ever not tired.  I always was irritated by those people that were TTC for years and then complained of every symptom.  I'm definitely not one of those people. Again - bring it on!

In other TTC news, I am a Khloe Kardashian fan (yes I am a fan of Keeping up) and turns out she is having TTC issues too.  There are so many of us out there! They say 1 in 8 couples have problems TTC but it seems like soo many more than that.

I think we really need to ban together to get the word out there, it's taboo to so many and it shouldn't be.


I can't end this post without mentioning today.  11 years ago so many people lost their lives and so many were out there searching for survivors in the wreckage of the WTC.  We Can't Forget.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Sweetest Sight

As I mentioned, we went in for our first ultrasound (7.5 weeks) and saw this beautiful sight:


The day started early (like normal). We left the house at 6, arrived in Madison on time for our appointment.  I was super nervous, sweaty palms and all. The hubby took my hand and made a joke about my clammy hands.  I think it runs in the family (right mom :D ). It seemed to take forever to be brought back.  The receptionist said the Dr was running late if I wanted to sit (was I pacing? yep.).

The nurse took my BP, 140/100 which is high for me..she asked if I was nervous.  Duh.

The Dr went in as I held my breath watching the monitor.  One really nice thing about the clinic is there is a huge screen for you to watch, unlike my OB where you sit there while they look and you have NO idea what she saw until the Dr calls you back later.  Anyway, she said 'baby is being photogenic, thanks baby' as I continued to hold my breath...waiting...hoping for a tiny little flicker.  And boom, there it was.  She said, heartbeat is right there.  It was oh so tiny, but it was there!  HB of 167.

Relief.  Big Sigh.

Now comes the waiting game.  Waiting, praying that that little flicker continues to grow and progress until 12 weeks where the risk of miscarriage decreases greatly.

I should feel absolute relief but when I got home I googled what the risk of miscarriage was after seeing a heartbeat and saw all the scary, real stories of miscarriage at 8, 9, 10 weeks.  Being a numbers person doesn't help me in these instances.  Miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat does happen and it could happen to me.

For the moment, I am happy and trying to remain calm and await these 4 weeks.   I know I say this a lot recently, but

Cheers to the weekend!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The "I knew it would happens"

I have told 2 people (other than immediate family) about our BFP.  I'm just too nervous to.  It just seems like if I tell people it will 'go away'.  The hubby, on the other hand, seems to tell everyone he sees :D  Fine by me as IF something happens (God Forbid) he has to be the one to tell these people.

A lot of the non-family members (mostly his work friends) have said or text'd me "Oh I knew it would happen".  This bothers me.  It shouldn't I know, but it does.  Like, oh forget the past 4 years as you're now "in the cool club".  Not really, even if this pregnancy holds on, I will always consider myself an IF.  I will never forget where I came from as it has made me who I am today.

You can't erase your past, only move forward with the knowledge you've gained.


PS Thank you for hanging on and continuing to follow, especially IFs, as I'm sure it's tough to follow this journey, but I do understand <3