Hello and Welcome!

Hello and Welcome! We are just another couple struggling with infertility but having fun and trying to enjoy the journey.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Living life as it comes...

We went to a friends party over the weekend and found out that the wife is pregnant.  Just 4 weeks behind us.  The judgy-ness in me asks myself how can she be a mother, she can't even hold down a job.  She complains when her husband works OT because she's home alone too much (hence the NO job factor).  But - even tho I did not my place to judge.  Anyway, after saying congrats, that's so exciting, etc, I asked the all-knowing question "How long had you been trying"?  Her response, it happened on their first month of trying.

Sometimes I just don't get how unfair life is.  I mean come on now, on their first try?    I guess it makes sense, she has no stress in her life, she has a gorgeous house, enough money and a good hubby to take care of her.   Sure, this shouldn't bother me anymore, but it does.

All those people out there that would make such.good.parents are still waiting for their baby, and she is pg.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them (despite my thoughts) as they truly are good people but life is unfair.

She asked me a question.. are you over the 'whole mad thing about IF' or can you laugh about it now.  Umm.  What do I say to this?  I definitely had my "mad at life" moments, but I don't think I was an angry person (right..anyone?), I think the hubs and I were just getting used to living without chitlens.   Life is what you make of it.  We were planning trips for Christmas of 2012 (as I couldn't take one more holiday of sad looks from family that I'm drinking..meaning another year of no baby) and Summer of 2013.  We had floor plans to re-do our kitchen.  I was planning on running 2 marathons in 2013.  We were on our last hope of a little one.    ..So what did I say?  I think the look on my face told the hubs to take over.  He said we always laughed at ourselves, we were living life and taking it as it came.  Some couples breakup over this and for us, it made us closer.  If she got pg, then so be it, we were trying, really trying to make it happen, and if it didn't, well at least we didn't go down without a fight.  Great job honey ;) How did I get so lucky.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Facebook is the devil

Does Facebook irk anyone else?  From the bragging, the 'I have the most friends', 'I have nothing better to do am so important'. Seriously.

I saw this the other day

Really? Really????

So because you have a child you're now going to complain about him/her/them.  I had to dig deep deep DEEP down not to comment on this.  I know that if I did, I'd be the bitch because they have no idea what it's like to be IF.  To hate these posts.   I would have loved to say so many many things.. but I didn't.

How do they not realize what a gift a child is. Oh wait, the person that posted this gets pg when he sneezes on her.

I get it.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Are we "those" people

The hubby and I were talking the other day about TTC, announcing pg, babies, etc.  The subject of IF came up (of course) and the fact that the few times every time I say I'm pg I have to say "but it took awhile" or "after a long journey" to justify the fact that we 'deserve' this pregnancy.   Will I always feel like this?

Who am I to 'deserve' a pregnancy.  Just because we've been through a lot - which compared to a lot of people - is nothing.  So many people have had multiple losses, IUI/IVF failures, surgeries etc.

I've had multiple friends comment that after waiting for so long, everything is going to be just fine, no worries.  Really? I just don't believe that.  I don't believe we 'deserve' this after 4 years.  I think people go through a boatload more and deserve a better shot.

Ya know?  Am I wrong in thinking this?  I think of friends who have battled cancer once..twice..and deserve more than the cards they've been given.

Sure I pray..hope..pray that all continues to go well, but I don't believe we 'deserve' this after 'all we've been through'.  I think we've been given a gift and I will not take it for granted.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012


12 weeks.  Yep, we've (I hate when girls say "we're pg" like really, a guy is pg) I've made it 12 weeks. Our 12 week appt has come and gone, HB 158. Lower than the first HB at 7.5 weeks, but still good per the Dr. (notice I said Dr not RE because <sob sob> we've graduated from our RE!!!!!)

For most IFs, graduating from your RE is soo exciting, yet scary.  No more nurses, REs that hold your hand, talk to you multiple times a day, comfort you in times of fear, doubt.  Now we are at the normal clinic where they look at you with crazy eyes if you ask if you can take Tylenol or get the flu shot.  Not to say that the clinic cares less, I just think they see sooo many babies that they sometimes forget what a miracle it is for some people (yes having a baby is truly a miracle, but I mean specifically getting pg).  After 4 years, finally, we may have said child!

Even tho I have one pair of pants that fit I still can't believe it. Still not real.  Dr said technically you're not "safe" until 15 weeks (which is contrary to what I've read everywhere) so have a few weeks to go, but so far so good.  And we truly feel.so.blessed. So blessed that after 4 years it could be really happening!!??

So my friends, decisions decisions.  What to do about this here blog....any techy's out there? How do I make this blog private? I tried to limit it to "Only these readers" but I'm not sure how to list people.... Help!?

For now, I'm still keeping it open till I figure out what to do.

It's a happy day people.  I know this is hard to read for some of you, so again, my apologizes.


Monday, October 1, 2012

Funday Monday

Yep I have been MIA recently because I have no updates..nothing to say really.. still nervous for that 12 week appt, still hoping all is well in there.  I hit 12 weeks soon (!!) and I still cannot believe it. Can't believe it because I don't see it yet. Sure I feel a little fuller, a little rounder, but I thought I'd really be showing a little more by now.  So again, hoping all is well in there.  Like my sisters..my hubby..my mom tells me, you have no reason to think it's not, right?

I've said it before, but I often wonder what a non-IF feels like these first critical weeks.   Excited (vs. nervous every moment of every day)?  Anxious to tell everyone (vs. dread that you will have to go back and re-tell everyone the big M word)?  Excited to read the baby books (vs. nervous to read beyond this week..just in case).   Excitedly buys a few things just because it's fun (vs. no way Jose..don't want to see any baby things..in case).  Well I could go on and on.

* *

In other news, did anyone watch the Emmy's (a few weeks ago)? See Giuliana hosting?  It's so awesome that after all her and Bill went through they finally have a little one.  What bugged my IF self is the little comments she made throughout the E! hosting.  I know, I know, I'm being touchy she's excited about being a mom, blahh blah, but doesn't she remember what it's like to hear all about babies when your IF?

Rant over.

So that's where I stand.  Not much for news!


I know it's Monday but...