Hello and Welcome!

Hello and Welcome! We are just another couple struggling with infertility but having fun and trying to enjoy the journey.

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Grass is Always Greener

Isn't that the truth. We're always saying (thinking) if I were just thinner, prettier, stronger, richer... I'd be happy.  We're always comparing to others, 'keeping up with the Jones.'

Why can't we learn to be happy with what we have?

A good friend of mine has the big C. Cancer. Scary Cancer. She's having a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.  She has a good attitude, tho I heard her voice waver, when she said "God has a crazy way of giving me the lovely B Cups I've always wanted."

I wish that we all could be happy (myself included) with what we have. It may be more, less, the same, as others, but there's ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Today my happiness is looking at my beautiful niece's photo on my desk as I type this. Gorgeous 9 month old, with a smile that melts your heart <3

So, I'm taking a lesson from my Yogi when I say lets all think of 5 things to be grateful for whether it be people, job, money, places, things.  Take a moment to Give Thanks.

Cheers to the weekend

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Things I'm loving

Jenstar Yoga (in a studio, tho a desert would be fun).

Latte's... mmm. either homemade or at Luna

Nonslip and fun for running, yoga, grocery shopping.

Shirts from the Skinny Runner
I just bought this DON'T STOP one. Sweat wicking and $2 goes to charity.

Lululemon tanks
They are pricey, but worth their weight in gold. I don't think I could run in them (they have removable bra cups which would look deflated on me if removed) but they are perfect for yoga.

Yankee Candles

I'm burning Pink Sands and Lucky Shamrock (which was a limited edition for St Paddy's day).  They have a buy 1 get one 50% off sale right now.

Jackie Warner's Xtreme Timesaver Training

Great leg burner! and I used to love her  show on Bravo.

And of course Ted!
As a puppy

a little more recent and shaggy
How do you not love that cute little face!


Monday, March 26, 2012

New plan

How was the weekend?  Do anything fun??

Despite not feeling up to par I ran.  Sat with a friend and Sun a solo training run for the IronGirl Half Marathon in April.  I was debating on running the half until today when I decided to just do it and sign up since we're on hold for 2 months (read on..).

Sat (during my run nonetheless) AF reared her ugly head (8 days early btw?!).  Fast forward to today, CD3, I started birth control. What the whhhat?

Backup to Sat.  Since my cycle was super short (I'm normally like clockwork), I called our RE.  This morning (at 5 am eek) I went to Madison for an ultrasound.  Result: right follie (from last cycle) had passed (yay!) but there was another one on the right that was still growing (??) despite AF's arrival, and now one on the left which looked to be remaining from the last cycle. AUGH.  On the positive side - the right one from a few weeks ago did pass and didn't burst..small victories as my fav nurse K says.

Our options were to let the 2 follicles pass on their own (which at best could take 2-3 cycles) or take birth control for 2 months to control the situation.  RE suggested BC to "quiet things in there" as he put it so we could start "fresh."

I chose option 2. So here I am, after 3.5 yrs of TTC, back on BC.

Cheers to spring! (Sometimes after I write bad news then write "Cheers" I feel like it's in vain..but I am the eternal optimist and like to end on a good note :-)  )
How gorg are the Cherry Blossoms

Friday, March 23, 2012

Monthly routine

For those who haven't had the luxury of TTC I thought I'd post what a "typical" IUI month looks like.

CD1 (Cycle Day 1) is always a bad day, call the RE to order our monthly meds.  CD1-2 is filled with waiting, moping, a lot of running for me and usually some excitement for the next cycle.

CD3-CD10: I take anywhere from 5-10 pills a day (Depending on the day). From Femara to Estrace and Tamoxifen.  Also vitamins which are not pictured.

CD10: ultrasound either in GB or if it falls on the weekend, in Madison. The RE reads off the number/size of follies and the thickness of the lining.  Hopefully we get some good news and our IUI is scheduled. If not, we're done for the month. Like this month

CD11-12: more Estrace (estrogen pills) for a few more days. 

CDxx:  Trigger Shot 36 hours before IUI. The trigger shot arrives via FEDEX in a huge cooled box with ice (as shown below).  The day varies based on how my cycle ran.  It's a SubQ shot but I just can't seem to do it myself. It's not the pain (it's not bad, like a deep pinch) I always feel like I'm going to screw it up.  Since FD is a EMT, he administers (even if he's at work - last time it was in the back of an ambulance. I joked this was my first time in an ambulance (and promptly knocked on wood)).

CDxx: IUI in Madison. Our RE is great, but it's never easy.  You walk into the clinic and see others who are reproductively challenged. We exchange glances and sad looks (some mad looks..I hope we never get there. That's a whole other post).   FD's appt is first and it's always stressful (what if we screw it up, we're done for the month). The rooms for "donation" are nice, but it's still uncomfortable.  The rooms are set back in the clinic but you can still hear noises. Real seksi.

After that is done, we have 1.5 hrs to kill as they prep the sample.  We usually go to breakfast, a looooong tense breakfast.  We hope we don't get a call..meaning the sample is bad.

Next is my appt. We're back at the clinic and in a tiny unlit room.  The sample is brought in, looks amazingly small.. like an ounce of fluid and is pink (the medium to keep the swimmers alive). We sign off that it's the correct sample (oy wouldn't that be bad).   I undress (TMI) and lay on the table.  I will leave it to the experts for what the RE does: 

 A catheter is used to inject the processed sperm directly into the uterus. This process maximizes the number of sperm cells that are placed in the uterus, thus increasing the possibility of conception. The IUI procedure takes little time and involves minimal discomfort. The next step is to watch for signs and symptoms of pregnancy. 

I lay on the table (no not legs up) for 15 minutes.  Since FD is with me, we usually make inappropriate jokes. Then we leave and usually do something fun like shop! in Madison, then we're on our way home. 

Then comes the 2WW. 14 days later I take a pg test..no matter if I get AF or not. So far, they have all been negative, which is so depressing each time, but we still have *hope* for that BFP

and that's a wrap. 

Hope you have a fantastic Friday, mine will be filled with this

and lots of benedryl. 


PS I'd like to give a shout out to my first "follower!!" You know who you are ;-) xoxo

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Losing Hope

With all the bad things in the world, how life is unfair to so many people, it's so hard to keep the faith. My small problem of TTC is so minimal compared to so many other people's problems.

For some reason it just hit me today. I was looking a bit more into Embryo Adoption and with all the adoption fees, costs for the Embryo's to "travel," Fertility care, etc, etc it all adds up.  Minimum is $12,000.  A mere few thousand and we could do IVF.  I called our RE and discussed options.  I guess I needed a bit of hope to hold onto.  Something to reach out for.

No news to speak of, I guess I need to learn to let it all go for now.  Place my faith and hope in God's hands.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Adopted Embryos

Happy Monday! Hope you all enjoyed St Paddy's Day!

So we've been talking about options.  Besides IUI, for us, there is IVF, Adoption, Surrogacy and Embryo Adoption.  All Most are out of our price range.  The most affordable for us is Embryo Adoption.  It's expensive (anywhere from $6k-$15k) but it's supposed to be less than IVF (which at our clinic is ($12-20k)) and adoption ($20-50k for a potential (not guaranteed) adoption).  Basically a couple adopts a fertilized embryo (frozen) and it is implanted in the hopes it will take.

There is a process, you don't just go into a clinic, pick the embryo and implant (which I'm embarrassed to say is what I thought). There is an approval process, a home study, similar to Adoption, then the actual transfer (assuming you were approved). This process can take anywhere from 1-2 years.  But it's quoted as shorter than a Domestic/International Adoption and I'm guessing this would be the least emotional (if there is such a thing when TTC. I am by no means minimizing the emotional aspect of any of these options).  Question is: Do you take the risk..Do I want to wait that long? I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be 60 when my child graduates from highschool.

Any thought/experiences?


Friday, March 16, 2012

Happy St Paddy's Day!

Enjoy the luck o' the irish

I'm excited my sister and hubby are coming down to celebrate with us!

..and PLEASE don't forget to SIGN THE PETITION!!!! Thank you in advance.


Thursday, March 15, 2012

Sign the petition!!

Infertiles spend millions of dollars on fertility testing, treatments and procedures.  Currently 15 States have State Mandated Insurance Coverage.  Some insurance companies cover the testing, but you have to provide your first born (no pun intended) to prove you need it.

There is a petition that Megan at Infertile Myrtle brought to my attention.  This petition would require all states to provide coverage for infertility testing and treatment.  We need 25,000 signatures HERE by March 30, 2012..yes just 15 days away! Currently (as of 3/15 8:40 am CST) we have 1,901 signatures.

Please pass along.. put on Facebook, Twitter, Email..tell everyone you know as this will help us infertiles immensely!!

Again the link is HERE   You have to create a log in (and verify with a valid email address) but it only takes 5 minutes.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The strong ones

We watched a Barbara Walters Special on Progeria last weekend.  These kids and their families are amazing.  These kids are something special. A true gift from God.  Barbara tactfully (not really but whatever) asked one of the mothers if she ever wonders why, why did this happen to their child. The mother responded I think it happened because we are strong enough to handle it.  This has made our relationship, our family, stronger.

I looked at FD and said, she's right, I can name many couples whose marriage probably wouldn't have survived the stress this has put on us. Fortunately for us, it has made our relationship stronger. But I'm at the point where I don't want to be strong anymore, I don't want to handle it, I want to be a normal family.

If there ever is a 'normal.'    

I don't want to be all doom and gloom on ya, so lets talk races. I have two planned since we were benched.  A 5K and a 1/2 marathon. The 5K is with a friend whose wedding is in a few months, it will be her first timed race!

Happy running!

Monday, March 12, 2012


Sunday I went for an ultrasound at Generations in Madison. I love Madison, such a great city with great energy (and a Whole Foods!). Our RE, we like to call him Glenn, appeared with his usual calm demeanor as he read off the following:

Follies: 27 (??), 10, 9 and 12
Lining: 7.9
He followed this reading by saying why don't you get dressed and we'll discuss. Uh oh..that's never a good sign.

Positives: my lining was 7.9 which is fantastic and has increased from IUI#3 (6.2). The Tamoxifen seemed to work it's magic.
Negatives: the follicle measuring at 27 (which is double what you would expect) means a follicle (egg) was leftover from the last cycle.  So all in all we've been benched for 2-3 cycles while this wanky follicle does it's thing and matures and passes.

Bummer.  What a letdown.  Glenn said this happens a lot with injectibles (not what I'm on) but not usually with the Letrozol which is what I'm on.  So we'll wait and see and hope it passes on it's own, then discuss our options.  But he definitely wants me to be monitored more than I have been (meaning a baseline ultrasound on CD3, then possibly 2 more before the IUI). Which is all good, just more $ under the belt.

Life is a journey.
Cheers to a good week!

Friday, March 9, 2012

To run or not to run

Anyone who knows me knows I love to run. It's such a great stress reliever not to mention a great workout. I'm not fast by any means, but it's my thing.  I love to go outside in the early morning when everyone is sleeping.  I also love to run with the FD (husband). Almost every weekend (pre IUIs) we were out there running, come rain or shine (or snow!).

The last race I ran was the Marquette half-marathon and it was an awesome race in my home town.  Now, 6 months later I'm getting the race itch.  Callie, The Wannabe Athlete, mentioned a half marathon in Clearwater Fla and it happens to fall on a weekend when we will be there! Callie is a HUGE inspiration (both for running and her life in general), if you haven't already, head over to her Blog.

Despite the IUI next week, I'm debating on whether to run it. If (and it's a big if) I am pg I would only run the 5K, but if not, why not run the full half?  I could start training come 4/1 which should be plenty of time.  Then comes the question, do we then take a month off of IUIs or give it a 5th shot?

Oh such decisions! I have until 4/15 when the race fees increase, so until then I will wait with bells on (or running shoes :)  ).

Happy Friday!!
Cheers :-)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Friends of Infertiles

Infertility is a touchy subject and unless you've been there you don't understand (sorry to say but it's true).  See Tertia and her post from a few years back..I really couldn't have said it better myself:



Wednesday, March 7, 2012


For most of us infertiles there are mental milestones that we keep track of.  i.e. this time next year I'll be pg; this time last year I thought I'd be pg; Summer baby! Holidays (Holidays.are.the.worst), etc.

One of my many milestones, as funny as it sounds, is the dentist.  I am one of those crazy people that get their teeth cleaned every 4 months.  I hate dirty teeth :D  So every time you sit in that big comfty chair the first question they ask is "Any Health Changes?"  Every 4 months for the past 3.5 years (10 times if your counting :)  ) I've wished and hoped maybe next time I'll get to say (scream) YES! I do have a health change. But sadly, this morning, I had to say no. Tho I did have to update her on the meds I'm taking, I suppose that's something?

The hygenist, as sweet as can be, raised her eyebrows as I listed the fertility drugs. She was first curious, asking all the questions many non-infertiles do, how long have you been trying, how many 'procedures' have you done, etc. Then came the optimism: "It's going to work this time, I feel it."  God love her, and her optimism.  Roll back to IUI#1 in Nov, we were so excited to be doing "something" other than timed ic (and btw how seksi is "timed ic").   Now, IUI#4 I'm skeptical. I *try* to be optimistic - positive thinking right?

So until June, I will keep thinking of that optimism she showed and hope that I can say, yes, I have a health change!


PS I love this pic of St Lucia...ahhhhh

Monday, March 5, 2012

Inspirational run

This weekend, despite this:

I ran 8.15 glorious miles. and I.was.so.excited. A few months ago, 8 miles was nothing. Today, 8 miles was a long run.  I was (am?) a marathoner. Love running. Love races, but with TTC running has become less of a priority.  But today I ran.  I will continue to run and enjoy running for the next two weeks (until IUI#3). Even tho studies show no harmful effects of running when TTC, I have been taking my workouts down a notch for the "2 week wait."

We started the process of IUI#3 (really #4 but since #2 was a big fat fail, it's technically #3) yesterday.  Drugs include Femara (7.5 mg), Tamoxifen (20 mg) and Estrace (4mg). New to me this month: Tamoxifen.  Since my lining has been on the light side (6.2 on CD10 and RE is looking for >7) RE prescribed this.   Dr Google says Tamoxifen blocks the production of estrogen, however, in Breast cancer patients, Tamoxifen thickens the uterine lining.  So with that, in addition to Estrace (Estrogen which causes the uterine lining to grow), RE thinks this should help.  Since FD (the hubby) has 'super sperm' and all is free and clear on my side (been producing 2-3 follicles each month), this is our best option.   As my father says "we're all in!"

Third time is a charm?  Plus we have the luck of the irish on our side!

Cheers :-)

Friday, March 2, 2012

One of those days

Today is one of those days. Days where I could use a little of this

 But unfortunately a lot of this is in the forecast

(Source: http://thehomesteadresort.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Heavy-Snow.jpg)

Sure it's gorgeous, but I'd sure love a little Vitamin D to get my spirits up.

After D-Day came and went, sometimes I wonder why we are doing all of this. Maybe it's not natural..maybe God has a reason for this.  Maybe our hard earned money should be spent here

(Source: http://www.freewebs.com/clearwaterbeachbyowner/Pier%2060%20sunset.jpg)

Cheers to the weekend!

Thursday, March 1, 2012


The two weeks from an IUI to D-Day are the worst. The waiting..wondering.. Every little sign of a possible pregnancy gives hope, every PMS sign causes sadness and let down. Again.

For new readers - We were TTC naturally for 3.5 years.  This is our 3rd attempt at an IUI, (2nd actual IUI).  The first one is "fun." Let me explain - it's the unknown, the first-timer hope that this is it, it's going to happen (even tho the odds are low (disclaimer: I'm not a Dr or qualified to give medical advice)..Our Dr said 14% chance for us). You feel that excitement of Christmas.  Calculate when the baby would arrive, is it a summer baby, NY's baby, will you be pg over the summer (Hot!) and (the girl in me thinks) do you have the clothes for it? and of course *pray* for a healthy pregnancy.

People are quick to give you the stories of their mother's brother's wife who got pg on their 1st IUI, or their sister's SIL who is still trying after the 5th attempt.  All I can say, no matter what number it is, waiting still sucks.  I can say on our 2nd try, all I am thinking is please let this be it.  I'm optimistic, but thinking this isn't it. Again. Gut feeling? ..3rd time's a charm??