Doubts

Even tho I'm possibly getting used to saying to a few "we're having a baby" it's not real yet.
Even tho my pants no longer button, it's not real yet.

After going to our friends last weekend, doubts settled in.  My sub conscience said "she's bigger than you". Her ultrasound at 9 weeks shows her uterus in the shape of a perfect circle, mine was in the shape of a  half moon, what if I'm not growing properly or worse yet.. <gulp> carrying around a deceased fetus...

Calling Dr. Google.

And it downward spirals from here.  Miscarriages, Miscarriages, Miscarriages, that's all I saw when I researched my "abnormal" heart shaped uterus.
".....one can have a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks and beyond with an 'abnormal' uterus..."  
"... no bleeding, no cramping.."

What if I had a miscarriage in the last 4 weeks and we're now 'telling certain people' and there really is no baby!? Oh my.  I miss our RE and the nurses there.  Not that our new OB team isn't helpful, they just don't calm my fears when I freak out like this.  And why should they, I turn crazy when my mind starts.  They don't get paid enough for that.

I finally called my NP who graciously let me come in to hear the HB.  I brought her a Halloween treat to thank her, hell I would have paid her to let me come in, it was the least I could do.

Whew.  It's still there.

Relaxxx everyone says.  Easier said than done.
Today was a success.

source

Cheers!

PS - Prayers to all the NYers out there, sending our love <3 I can't imagine what they are going through as I complain about my insignificant problems.