"Especially those without kids"

The other day, a FB friend wrote a post that really irked me (she must have removed it as it's now gone - maybe someone agreed with my thoughts below and made a comment to her).  It was a link to an article about saying things to other peoples kids; her comment was something to the effect of 'Please read this article and take note.  Especially those without kids'.

Of course this irks me.  Am I wrong in being irritated that she singles out those w/o kids?  WTH.  Of course, she has the perfect family and has no idea how this could be taken from an IF.   Don't get me wrong, she's a nice person, I think she just didn't realize how this could be interpreted (which is maybe why it was taken down?).  This is the same person that I was talking to (with another child-hopeful friend) over the summer about still struggling with IF and she said 'you always want what you can't have'.  Ouch.

The FB comment reminded me of the movie As Good As It Gets with Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson (great movie btw).  When he goes to her apartment and says hello to her 8 year old. The child doesn't respond and Jack says you should respond when someone is talking to you.

Clearly it's not your place to discipline someone else's child.  It's not those sans kids, it's those with no manners.

Thank.you.very.much.  Anyone agree/disagree?

Cheers!


PG update (please move on if this Pg update is a sensitive topic)...
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I can't believe I'm saying this, but today actually puts me mid-way through my second trimester (??!!).  How did we get so blessed?  From Dr Google, at this point, baby would have a 75-90% survival rate (with medical intervention obviously).

What a difference a year makes.  Last year at this time, we were on IUI#2 and we were devastated that it was cancelled. We were then off to a fabulous trip to the Caribbean where we drank and ate our troubles away..

xo

IF news

Did you see the Sunday night Dateline on the couple who carried another couples baby to term after an IF clinic placed the wrong embryo in the woman in MI (!!) and it took?  The RE clinic said it was due to 'human error' which of course is very scary but I can see how it can happen.  At our clinic, the nurse AND the RE has you approve the name on the vile of sperm before it's inserted in the cathedar (and cathedar into you). But you're taking a huge leap of faith that the vile has the correct sperm in it.

If you didn't see it, you can view it HERE.  Pretty interesting and such a blessing that the couple that received the wrong embryo carried the baby to term.

Cheers!

Being pregnant while having IF friends

****If Infertility is a sensitive subject or you are dealing with sensitive IF issues, please feel free to skip this post as this discusses IF & pregnancy. Thank you for reading and Happy NY - this is a start to a new year *****

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Being IF for just under 4 years means I obviously still have IF friends.  Bloggers, Facebook, Real life, etc.  I'm sure it's super tough for them to see me, talk to me, etc and it's totally understandable.  I've been there.  I've been the one skipping showers, dismissing emails/texts/calls, hiding them on Facebook because I couldn't bear to hear about pregnancy, baby bellies, etc.  It's just heartbreaking.  My heart truly breaks for everyone suffering from IF.  It really is an unspoken disease and I hope by blogging, I have helped even one person <3

The reason for this post is being in this situation, I have no idea what to do.  How would I have wanted my 'IF graduated' friends to act?  Do?  And thinking back, nothing.  Stop emailing me, stop texting/calling and just go about your life until that baby belly is gone and you have a healthy baby.  Somehow, for me, the sting was less when the baby arrived.

The problem with that, is that is just not me.  I'm not one to ignore my IF friends just because I'm pregnant.  I understand they have no desire to hear about my pregnancy and I respect that.
Some people say when you're formerly overweight, you're still the 'fat person' inside (meaning no disrespect), well I'm still the IF girl inside.

I know I just have to realize that life changes and there will be some people that just can't bear to see me/us.  And I totally get it.  I just have a hard time with letting go I guess..These people have gotten me through rough times and I am not one to forget about them.

For now, I must respect their (silent) wishes and let them be, hoping that someday we will reconnect and praying that they will too will experience this gift.  Have faith.

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xo
Cheers

Merry Christmas - My guide to IF

Merry (belated) Christmas! I'm a tad behind in posting.

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The Holidays.

There are a couple ways I coped with being infertile over the holidays. I realize I am not an expert but these are things that helped me the past 4 years (long time to some, not even close to a long time to others).

Drink Lots Sparingly.  No joke.  But there definitely is a point where I'd pass the "happy" relaxed - nothing bothers me - me and become emotional, sad and cry on the car ride home.

Workout.  If you know me, it's no secret I love to run. Love love love it.  It helped clear my mind.  The feeling of the ground beneath my feet, the early morning runs when everyone else is asleep.  Pure bliss.

Yoga. Yes, another form of a workout, but I think of it also as a mind clearer as there's a 'zen' about Yoga.  If you find the right instructor, it leaves you feeling soo great.  Even when I went into class having a terrible "poor me" day, I'd come out feeling refreshed..well all but one time. You know the time where I wanted to run out screaming.

I felt like this a lot of the time, despite the happy front I thought I put on

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Research. Blogs/articles helped me. There's a huge infertile community out there and knowing you're not alone is the best.  To quote one article on surviving IF over the holidays:

1.  Say no to parties. Really. Do.It.
2.  Prepare an answer to the dreaded "still no luck" questions.
3.  Call on your support system. ---> Friends! Family! I have a few people I could complain to and it felt so great to just talk frankly.
4.  Look for the positives ---> I don't like this one.  It makes me think everything is unicorns and rainbows when we know it's a front.  Yes, you can be sad.
5.  Give Yourself A Break ---> My favorite.  Take a break, let yourself feel sad.  Then get over it and move on.

Speaking of blogs.  Head on over to this blog and take a read of

Just a few of my favorites:

"You’re so lucky.  You don’t know how hard it is to [fill in inappropriate comment like “change diapers,” “never sleep,” “buy clothes all the time,” here].  (You’re right.  I don’t know.  Thanks for that loving reminder.)"

"Maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids… (Hello?  Was there a secret early morning “Qualifying Mom Exam” that I did not know about?  I hate it when I oversleep!)"

"So-and-so tried for 10 years to get pregnant.  Finally, when she gave up, it happened.  (That’s great for so-and-so.  What does her body have to do with mine, anyway?  Oh.  She has the secret sauce ingredient to “getting” pregnant, does she?  Hmm…she does have a lot of cute new purses.  I haven’t tried buying purses yet….maybe I should try that?  Any excuse to shop!)"

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Cheers! Be happy and enjoy, 2013 is right around the corner. 

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Facelift and Fear

I did a quick update to the background of the blog. The pink was getting to me :-)

Lets talk Fear.

Infertility Fear.  It's never going to happen.  Despite every test, every shot/pill, every RE appointment, it's not going to happen.  Then what?

Pregnancy Fear.  For some..most...probably just some, fear is a part of us every.stinkin'.day.  It.never.goes.away.  My sister said some time ago (oh wise one) that you first fear seeing the initial HB, then it's the 12 week mark, then the 20 week anatomical scan, then the "viable" point in a pregnancy (is it 28 weeks? but that does not ensure quality of life), then birth.  The fear really never goes away.  Back then, I disagreed with her, I believe I said something to the tone of, I just want to hit 12 weeks, now, I 100% agree.  To me, it becomes more so because now you're considered " in the safe zone" and maybe even betting on this actually happening..then if something, God forbid, happens, it's even worse.  I honestly don't know what I would do.  Survive I guess.

People seem to like to share their horrid pregnancy stories of a friends' friend who had issues.  Stillbirths, Scary.  Birth Defects. Scary.  Soo many things can go wrong and for some reason everyone has to tell their horror stories.  Why would you do this I ask myself.  It's depressing to one who already worries about everything from eating Feta to driving (accident!).

So what to do? Take it a day at a time.

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Cheers.

Wordless Wednesday

It's been awhile since I posted a Wordless..

Cutest

Vienna, Austria Christmas market. Must go back.

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Love.

and finally, Thankful.

Cheers!

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Confession

Confession time.

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Every time I hear someone close to us is pg, I feel like our chances of having a healthy, happy baby go down.  So internally I am sad... jealous..no sad.  But never portray this to these people (duh).

It's terrible, I know, my husband agreed it was (again duh).  I'm ashamed to even say it out loud.  But it's the truth and typing it is not really saying it out loud....

It's not that I'm not happy for these people, because every little one is truly a blessing, and I'm still amazed every day I feel little kicks (or punches or any movements!).  I'm more sad, because..well, you just never know.

I don't know why I feel this way, why do we feel what we feel?  It's just one of those things.

All in all, I need to keep hoping, praying that the little one is growing strong and just keep on keepin' on.

Cheers!

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