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<3
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
HoLiDaYs
So I still haven't started a new blog. Basically I'm just lazy I don't have time.. Ok I could make time, it's just not a priority at this point. So onward we go...
The Holidays. Most IF's nightmare. It's the questions, the assumptions, the looks (or the looks you think you are getting) from family, friends and acquaintances you see once a year who ask about life, kids. I saw a blog post somewhere talking about the boring ole' questions you ask when you see old friends: How's married life (assuming they just got married), How's the job, How are the kids? BLAH. What about something interesting like, Take any fun trips this year? What are you looking forward to? Seems corny I know, but the old questions get monotonous when asked 80 times in the span of a holiday week.
This is the first year we are blessed to be celebrating the work of the last four years. Celebrating life. I thank my lucky starsand I hope it doesn't end on 12-21-12 and I wouldn't change a thing we have been through..well maybe if I could get back all the moolah we spent.
How is it going you ask...
Can't complain one bit. I won't say that I haven't worried and googled a ton, but moving along slowly, we have our 20 week anatomical scan in December (can't believe it's almost 20 weeks!).
This is getting real people. This may be it for us.
But I haven't forgotten about all my IF friends out there who are dreading the holidays. I soooo have been there and all I can say is drink.lots.
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Kidding. Maybe. Go on a fun weekend (or day) trip. Do something different. We had planned to go to Arizona for the holidays. Hiking in Dec? Who knew.
That's it for now.
Happy Thanksgiving my friends and famila! I have soo much to be thankful for <3
source
Cheers!
The Holidays. Most IF's nightmare. It's the questions, the assumptions, the looks (or the looks you think you are getting) from family, friends and acquaintances you see once a year who ask about life, kids. I saw a blog post somewhere talking about the boring ole' questions you ask when you see old friends: How's married life (assuming they just got married), How's the job, How are the kids? BLAH. What about something interesting like, Take any fun trips this year? What are you looking forward to? Seems corny I know, but the old questions get monotonous when asked 80 times in the span of a holiday week.
This is the first year we are blessed to be celebrating the work of the last four years. Celebrating life. I thank my lucky stars
How is it going you ask...
Can't complain one bit. I won't say that I haven't worried and googled a ton, but moving along slowly, we have our 20 week anatomical scan in December (can't believe it's almost 20 weeks!).
This is getting real people. This may be it for us.
But I haven't forgotten about all my IF friends out there who are dreading the holidays. I soooo have been there and all I can say is drink.lots.
Kidding. Maybe. Go on a fun weekend (or day) trip. Do something different. We had planned to go to Arizona for the holidays. Hiking in Dec? Who knew.
That's it for now.
Happy Thanksgiving my friends and famila! I have soo much to be thankful for <3
source
Cheers!
Friday, November 9, 2012
"Lots of people have tried longer than you"
This was said to me the other day. And it irritated me.
Some random thoughts about this statement:
~ Yes, I know this. Really, I do. We are lucky. We are fortunate and blessed to be where we are. I also know this and I do.not.for.a.moment. take it for granted.
~ We worked our a**es off with late nights working to make up for Dr appts, lots-o-money (!?!), traveling, emotional heartache every time it didn't work and every time "I didn't respond" to get where we are. But all in all, for me, getting pregnant was a crap shoot. It just happened to work after 6 tries. Even tho I didn't have the 'optimal' number of follies and the hubby's count was lower than it had been in 6 tries (funny side note: On the day of the IUI, after the hubs count came back, I think we both were disappointed and RE saw this. He said, as we always say, it makes more room for the winners. And who'd of thunk it, he was right.)
~IF is a part of me and I'll never "get over it". It doesn't define me, but it is a part of my life and always will be.
I can't help my feelings, believe me, I try. I will worry every minute of every day of this pregnancy until I'm fortunate enough to hold that little one in my arms. Really, I will, but for you my friend, I will pretend it's all sunshine and unicorns and life is grand because, yes, lots of people have tried longer than us.
Cheers to the weekend!
Some random thoughts about this statement:
~ Yes, I know this. Really, I do. We are lucky. We are fortunate and blessed to be where we are. I also know this and I do.not.for.a.moment. take it for granted.
~ We worked our a**es off with late nights working to make up for Dr appts, lots-o-money (!?!), traveling, emotional heartache every time it didn't work and every time "I didn't respond" to get where we are. But all in all, for me, getting pregnant was a crap shoot. It just happened to work after 6 tries. Even tho I didn't have the 'optimal' number of follies and the hubby's count was lower than it had been in 6 tries (funny side note: On the day of the IUI, after the hubs count came back, I think we both were disappointed and RE saw this. He said, as we always say, it makes more room for the winners. And who'd of thunk it, he was right.)
~IF is a part of me and I'll never "get over it". It doesn't define me, but it is a part of my life and always will be.
I can't help my feelings, believe me, I try. I will worry every minute of every day of this pregnancy until I'm fortunate enough to hold that little one in my arms. Really, I will, but for you my friend, I will pretend it's all sunshine and unicorns and life is grand because, yes, lots of people have tried longer than us.
Cheers to the weekend!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Doubts
Even tho I'm possibly getting used to saying to a few "we're having a baby" it's not real yet.
Even tho my pants no longer button, it's not real yet.
After going to our friends last weekend, doubts settled in. My sub conscience said "she's bigger than you". Her ultrasound at 9 weeks shows her uterus in the shape of a perfect circle, mine was in the shape of a half moon, what if I'm not growing properly or worse yet.. <gulp> carrying around a deceased fetus...
Calling Dr. Google.
And it downward spirals from here. Miscarriages, Miscarriages, Miscarriages, that's all I saw when I researched my "abnormal" heart shaped uterus.
".....one can have a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks and beyond with an 'abnormal' uterus..."
"... no bleeding, no cramping.."
What if I had a miscarriage in the last 4 weeks and we're now 'telling certain people' and there really is no baby!? Oh my. I miss our RE and the nurses there. Not that our new OB team isn't helpful, they just don't calm my fears when I freak out like this. And why should they, I turn crazy when my mind starts. They don't get paid enough for that.
I finally called my NP who graciously let me come in to hear the HB. I brought her a Halloween treat to thank her, hell I would have paid her to let me come in, it was the least I could do.
Whew. It's still there.
Relaxxx everyone says. Easier said than done.
Today was a success.
source
Cheers!
PS - Prayers to all the NYers out there, sending our love <3 I can't imagine what they are going through as I complain about my insignificant problems.
Even tho my pants no longer button, it's not real yet.
After going to our friends last weekend, doubts settled in. My sub conscience said "she's bigger than you". Her ultrasound at 9 weeks shows her uterus in the shape of a perfect circle, mine was in the shape of a half moon, what if I'm not growing properly or worse yet.. <gulp> carrying around a deceased fetus...
Calling Dr. Google.
And it downward spirals from here. Miscarriages, Miscarriages, Miscarriages, that's all I saw when I researched my "abnormal" heart shaped uterus.
".....one can have a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks and beyond with an 'abnormal' uterus..."
"... no bleeding, no cramping.."
What if I had a miscarriage in the last 4 weeks and we're now 'telling certain people' and there really is no baby!? Oh my. I miss our RE and the nurses there. Not that our new OB team isn't helpful, they just don't calm my fears when I freak out like this. And why should they, I turn crazy when my mind starts. They don't get paid enough for that.
I finally called my NP who graciously let me come in to hear the HB. I brought her a Halloween treat to thank her, hell I would have paid her to let me come in, it was the least I could do.
Whew. It's still there.
Relaxxx everyone says. Easier said than done.
Today was a success.
Cheers!
PS - Prayers to all the NYers out there, sending our love <3 I can't imagine what they are going through as I complain about my insignificant problems.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Living life as it comes...
We went to a friends party over the weekend and found out that the wife is pregnant. Just 4 weeks behind us. The judgy-ness in me asks myself how can she be a mother, she can't even hold down a job. She complains when her husband works OT because she's home alone too much (hence the NO job factor). But - even tho I did not my place to judge. Anyway, after saying congrats, that's so exciting, etc, I asked the all-knowing question "How long had you been trying"? Her response, it happened on their first month of trying.
Sometimes I just don't get how unfair life is. I mean come on now, on their first try? I guess it makes sense, she has no stress in her life, she has a gorgeous house, enough money and a good hubby to take care of her. Sure, this shouldn't bother me anymore, but it does.
All those people out there that would make such.good.parents are still waiting for their baby, and she is pg.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them (despite my thoughts) as they truly are good people but life is unfair.
She asked me a question.. are you over the 'whole mad thing about IF' or can you laugh about it now. Umm. What do I say to this? I definitely had my "mad at life" moments, but I don't think I was an angry person (right..anyone?), I think the hubs and I were just getting used to living without chitlens. Life is what you make of it. We were planning trips for Christmas of 2012 (as I couldn't take one more holiday of sad looks from family that I'm drinking..meaning another year of no baby) and Summer of 2013. We had floor plans to re-do our kitchen. I was planning on running 2 marathons in 2013. We were on our last hope of a little one. ..So what did I say? I think the look on my face told the hubs to take over. He said we always laughed at ourselves, we were living life and taking it as it came. Some couples breakup over this and for us, it made us closer. If she got pg, then so be it, we were trying, really trying to make it happen, and if it didn't, well at least we didn't go down without a fight. Great job honey ;) How did I get so lucky.
Cheers!
Sometimes I just don't get how unfair life is. I mean come on now, on their first try? I guess it makes sense, she has no stress in her life, she has a gorgeous house, enough money and a good hubby to take care of her. Sure, this shouldn't bother me anymore, but it does.
All those people out there that would make such.good.parents are still waiting for their baby, and she is pg.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them (despite my thoughts) as they truly are good people but life is unfair.
She asked me a question.. are you over the 'whole mad thing about IF' or can you laugh about it now. Umm. What do I say to this? I definitely had my "mad at life" moments, but I don't think I was an angry person (right..anyone?), I think the hubs and I were just getting used to living without chitlens. Life is what you make of it. We were planning trips for Christmas of 2012 (as I couldn't take one more holiday of sad looks from family that I'm drinking..meaning another year of no baby) and Summer of 2013. We had floor plans to re-do our kitchen. I was planning on running 2 marathons in 2013. We were on our last hope of a little one. ..So what did I say? I think the look on my face told the hubs to take over. He said we always laughed at ourselves, we were living life and taking it as it came. Some couples breakup over this and for us, it made us closer. If she got pg, then so be it, we were trying, really trying to make it happen, and if it didn't, well at least we didn't go down without a fight. Great job honey ;) How did I get so lucky.
Cheers!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Facebook is the devil
Does Facebook irk anyone else? From the bragging, the 'I have the most friends', 'I have nothing better to do am so important'. Seriously.
I saw this the other day
Really? Really????
So because you have a child you're now going to complain about him/her/them. I had to dig deep deep DEEP down not to comment on this. I know that if I did, I'd be the bitch because they have no idea what it's like to be IF. To hate these posts. I would have loved to say so many many things.. but I didn't.
How do they not realize what a gift a child is. Oh wait, the person that posted this gets pg when he sneezes on her.
I get it.
Cheers!
I saw this the other day
Really? Really????
So because you have a child you're now going to complain about him/her/them. I had to dig deep deep DEEP down not to comment on this. I know that if I did, I'd be the bitch because they have no idea what it's like to be IF. To hate these posts. I would have loved to say so many many things.. but I didn't.
How do they not realize what a gift a child is. Oh wait, the person that posted this gets pg when he sneezes on her.
I get it.
Cheers!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Are we "those" people
The hubby and I were talking the other day about TTC, announcing pg, babies, etc. The subject of IF came up (of course) and the fact that the few times every time I say I'm pg I have to say "but it took awhile" or "after a long journey" to justify the fact that we 'deserve' this pregnancy. Will I always feel like this?
Who am I to 'deserve' a pregnancy. Just because we've been through a lot - which compared to a lot of people - is nothing. So many people have had multiple losses, IUI/IVF failures, surgeries etc.
I've had multiple friends comment that after waiting for so long, everything is going to be just fine, no worries. Really? I just don't believe that. I don't believe we 'deserve' this after 4 years. I think people go through a boatload more and deserve a better shot.
Ya know? Am I wrong in thinking this? I think of friends who have battled cancer once..twice..and deserve more than the cards they've been given.
Sure I pray..hope..pray that all continues to go well, but I don't believe we 'deserve' this after 'all we've been through'. I think we've been given a gift and I will not take it for granted.
Cheers!
Who am I to 'deserve' a pregnancy. Just because we've been through a lot - which compared to a lot of people - is nothing. So many people have had multiple losses, IUI/IVF failures, surgeries etc.
I've had multiple friends comment that after waiting for so long, everything is going to be just fine, no worries. Really? I just don't believe that. I don't believe we 'deserve' this after 4 years. I think people go through a boatload more and deserve a better shot.
Ya know? Am I wrong in thinking this? I think of friends who have battled cancer once..twice..and deserve more than the cards they've been given.
Sure I pray..hope..pray that all continues to go well, but I don't believe we 'deserve' this after 'all we've been through'. I think we've been given a gift and I will not take it for granted.
Cheers!
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