Guess I got my answer on whether to take an early pg test. Never again because this felt like a kick in the gut. Literally.
Roll back to the day I got the BFP. I was so excited. I was alone (hubby works 24 hr shifts) so I hid the test until I could 'reveal' it to him. I went for a slow, leisurely walk/run and thought of the ways we'd tell our parents/family. I got back and the hubby had just gotten home. I said something to the effect of not being able to do wine and sushi that night. He asked why, then I showed him the positive test. He was floored, actually took it from my hand and examined it (and later he said he took a picture of it but deleted it when AF arrived :( ). We were both excited but nervous. I even, like a novice, took a picture of the positive test with a calendar in the *hopes* that it would lead to a healthy happy baby.
We have never gotten a BFP in our 3.5 yrs of trying. But, I know better than this. Really, I do. I see those people who announce it on Facebook only to have to retract it later. I see those people who have their hearts broken.
This BFP would have been the first step in the looong 9 months of worry. A lot of pregnancies end in heartbreaking miscarriage. But I, *trying* to be positive, was really thinking, this is it, our 3.5 yrs of waiting has paid off.
Then BAM like a bomb our dreams were shattered. And I.am.so.sad.
I can relate to Jack Osborne, when he was quoted as saying "God looked down and said too much good, need bad". We are so lucky in so many ways, but we struggle with this.
On a positive note, we're not done yet. We Won't Go Down Without A Fight. In talking to a nurse at our RE's office, I most likely had a chemical pregnancy, which is actually a good thing. The egg met the sperm (Yay!), now we just need it to stick.
So onto IUI#6. oye